There you go! yes I am. They had me tested. haha. I can’t say I am proud, because honestly I am not. No one knew it except my closest family and friends. Most of my friends still don’t know it, and I am sorry for that. I don’t want you to see me differently. Because even my own parents haven’t accepted it when I was first diagnosed. We shrug it off as if nothing happened, because at that time i have my asthma & DHF so they thought it was only due to my high fever. My doctor didn’t prescribe anything when i was discharged but told me to get back after a week for check up. Of course i didn’t go because I thought I’m already fine and it would be just a waste of money. Haha. (At that time, my parents tried not to tell my diagnosis. they have no clue what Bipolar really is) So after weeks and months, I had my life back together. But about a year later, I had an episode again. Then that was the time I really went to a psychiatrist and then she prescribed me medications. I did not have those long sessions of talking, wailing and pouring myself out and all; like what you see in the movies. It’s like I went to my family doctor and was diagnosed with fever and then gave me antipyretics, and then viola!! I’m free to go. See what I am trying to say here? It’s not what you thought it would be, that stigma of mental illness is so over exaggerated(mega over over lang eh noh? Lol) As if it’s a very rare disease that can’t be talk about. If a person was diagnosed with cancer, people will sympathize/empathize with the patient & their families. But why is it different when a person has mental illness? When actually it is both a disease that’s very harmful and life threatening. When will this stigma end? Is suicide all over the world not enough to let the people know mental illness is a serious disease that needs to be taken care of? I hope society will be more accepting of mental illness and treat it like a normal occurrence that it is among many men and women we see, live and work with every day.
I am still doubtful if ever I will post this article or not. I don’t want people to see me differently, because most of the people close to me see me as a HAPPY GIRL. But when I’m alone I am not. Deep inside I have many issues and hang ups I should resolve. Before, I thought my mood swings is just PMS and people close to me will actually say “pagbigyan mo na topak niyan. NaTIPUS eh” (there’s this superstition that if you get a typhoid fever your attitude will be strange and irrational) . I’ve been dealing with asthma since birth and some people already treated me differently.. I wonder now what they’ll do that I am bipolar. Haha. But to tell you truth, I am more healthy than before. Physically(oh yeah i know I gain a lot of weight. But that doesn’t mean I am in no good shape) and ofcourse mentally. Now my happiness is GENUINE and if ever you see me not in the mood, better watch out.. Hahaha. Kidding!.. I am normal, there’s just this occasional kicks and bumps from time to time. Who doesn’t anyway?! So, Better get diagnosed too! LOL
**I decided to post this not to earn pity, attention or whatsoever. Wasn’t really planning on it. I just want people to be aware of what mental illness really is, been hearing a lot of news about suicide and misconception of people who doesn’t know what that ill person really feels. We have no right to judge! yes. sometimes I’m also guilty of judging them)
I know someone out there reading this is experiencing depression and other kinds of stuff. They’re just afraid or in denial or even not aware they’re experiencing it.
You’re not alone. It’s time to get help before it’s too late. Life is too precious to be taken away. Even though I know you don’t feel that way at the moment but I tell you, there’s still hope. TALK! Or shout, or break glasses and kick some ass if that will do. Haha..kidding (Just breaking some ice here, my post is too serious I can’t even bare it myself. Lol)
Thanks for taking the time reading it. Hope you’ll be enlightened in some way. May God Bless us more!
My family has always been private about our time spent together. It was our way of keeping one thing that was ours, with a man we shared with an entire world. But now that’s gone, and I feel stripped bare. My last day with him was his birthday, and I will be forever grateful that my brothers and I got to spend that time alone with him, sharing gifts and laughter. He was always warm, even in his darkest moments. While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that.
To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too…
Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.”